Awkward: When Bob got out of the Army, all Bob could talk
about was how hard the Army had been on Bob.
Better: When Bob got out of the Army, all he could talk
about was how hard it had been on him.
In the second example above, the use of pronouns streamlines the sentence so that its meaning is immediately clear to the reader. However, care must be exercised to ensure that the pronoun refers specifically to the word (antecedent) it is intended to replace. As the following INCORRECT examples illustrate, when the pronoun–antecedent link is unclear, the resulting sentence is confusing:
Awkward: Bob and Tom have an ongoing disagreement over
how large his fish really was.
(To which antecedent does the pronoun "his" refer?)
Awkward: Sandy studied computer programming so that
she could get a job as one.
(There is no antecedent for the pronoun "one".)
Awkward: Not a single member of the interviewing team
who met with this year's candidates for entry
level positions had their reports together in
time for the staff meeting.
(The singular antecedent "member" has been
obscured by intervening phrases. Since the pronoun
must always agree with the antecedent in number,
the plural "their" should be replaced by a "his or
her" construction.)
Awkward: Software houses are churning out new word
processing programs almost daily, which
compete with each other and generate huge
revenues.
(Pronouns such as "which," "that," "this," and "it"
can be used too loosely, creating ambiguous
sentences.)
Pronouns must also agree with their antecedents in gender and type. The following CORRECT examples illustrate pronoun/antecedent agreement in gender and type:
a person who likes ice cream
a cow that gives lots of milk
a door that sticks
Doris always double checks her work.
The plant fixes nitrogen in its root nodules.
The next woman in line gets hers for free.
A ship that was as well built as the Titanic
should never have sunk, but she did.
Case:
The case of pronouns is vital in linking them correctly to their antecedents. Some pronouns ("I," "he," "she," "we," "they," "who," and "whoever") are subjects. Other pronouns ("me," "him," "her," "us," "them," "whom," and "whomever") are objects. The following CORRECT examples illustrate proper case:
As subject: She and I will volunteer for the program.
As object: The program needs volunteers like her and me.
As subject: We will attend the opening ceremonies.
As object: Please allow us to attend the opening ceremonies.
As subject: Who will give the opening speech?
As object: The speaker is someone to whom we can relate.
As subject: Whoever receives an invitation should attend.
As object: Send an invitation to whomever you choose.
Questions concerning the proper case of pronouns can often be answered by interchanging subjects and objects. In the following examples, the CORRECT pronoun is in parentheses:
The press has already convicted and hanged he
(him) with their scathing editorials.
One editorial asked, "Why did him (he) do it?"
The judge must excuse any juror whom (who) has
read that editorial.
NOTE: Test "who/whom" and "whoever/whomever" constructions by
replacing the pronoun in question with "he." If a complete
sentence results ("He has read that editorial.") the subjective
pronoun case (who/whoever)is correct. If not, the objective
case (whom/whomever) is the one to use.
Modifiers:
Modifiers must be located where their relationship with the word they are modifying is clear. Misplaced modifiers can be a source of confusion and occasional humor:
Correct: The airplane filled with tourists flew over the Rocky
Mountains in a snowstorm.
Misplaced: The airplane flew over the Rocky Mountains in a
snowstorm filled with tourists.
Misplaced: The airplane flew over the Rocky Mountains filled
with tourists in a snowstorm.
Correct: My Aunt decided to trade in her Mercedes because it
had rear–end problems.
Misplaced: Because of rear–end problems, my Aunt decided to
trade in her Mercedes.
Parallel Structure:
Parallel structure means the sentence is consistent in listing items in a series and in balancing ideas. Parallel structure is the most effective way to convey the intended meaning of a sentence to the reader.
Parallel: John D. Rockefeller was rich, successful, and
highly respected.
(The above sentence has parallel structure because
all of the items in the series are adjectives.)
Faulty: John D. Rockefeller was rich, successful, and there
were many people who respected him.
(The above sentence does not have parallel structure
because two of the items in the series are adjectives,
and the third is an independent clause.)
Parallel: John D. Rockefeller was a man who was
immensely wealthy and who exercised great
influence over the economic and political
activities of his country.
(The above sentence has parallel structure because the
two ideas introduced by the word "who" are dependent
clauses.)
Faulty: John D. Rockefeller was a man who was
immensely wealthy, and he also exercised great
influence over the economic and political
activities of his country.
(The above sentence does not have parallel structure
because a dependent clause is paired with an
independent clause.)
Sentences:
A complete sentence, when read by itself, will convey the information intended. But a sentence fragment can have no meaning unless it is attached to a complete sentence. Sentence fragments are normally created when either the subject or verb is missing:
Complete: Our profit margin has greatly improved our position.
Fragment: Since we have improved our position.
Fragment: Could have improved our position.
Fragment: Who successfully improved our position.
Fragment: Wanting to improve our position.
Fragment: To improve our position.
Fragment: A company that improves its position.
Voice:
Active voice constructions are clearer than passive voice constructions. Active voice constructions position the subject before, not after, the verb:
Active voice: John kicked the ball.
Passive voice: The ball was kicked by John.
Active voice: The secretary writes the letters.
Passive voice: The letters are written by the secretary.
Active voice: The customer will sign the contract.
Passive voice: The contract will be signed by the customer.
